So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
