party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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