don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
