He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
