I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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