I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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