i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
