You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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