Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
