She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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