I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
