Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
