no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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