I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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