East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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