3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
