Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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