Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize