that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
