I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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