my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
