and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
