1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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