Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I will die if light touches me.
i love accidental penises.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Randomize
