dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
