we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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