I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Randomize
