Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's never too late to be topless.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
