Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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