Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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