i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
