dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
