I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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