I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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