totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
