Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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