Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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