It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
