apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
