she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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