The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They took my balls.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
