you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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