Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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