i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
