At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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