You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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