Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he thought i was a dude.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
