i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
