I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
