I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
