If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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