So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
