I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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