she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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