i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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