No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
