You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize