I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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