u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
