You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
