You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
