I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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