Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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