omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
