Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
