He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize