It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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