i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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