Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
