lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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