AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
do nipples grow back?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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