so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
