i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
