When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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