He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
