I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
