He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
