Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Your tits are I can't wait for
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
