I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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