I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize