He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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