I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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