Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Pants are for mortals
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
