Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
