Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
how does that bad decision feel?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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