I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
