Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
what day is it and did you see me today?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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