this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
