she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
