okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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