so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize