turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
