i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
