My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
honey bunches of taint.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
