Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
