Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
