weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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