no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
