How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
