if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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