some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
