see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
