I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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