Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize