Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I didn't notice because vodka
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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