two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
