ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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